Friday, February 27, 2004

Mixed Thoughts...

Well, it is now the end of Feb, getting ready to start March. I've been in this position for about 6 years now. Although I can point to a few very specific instances of real, short term improvements that I was a part of, I'm not so sure that my tenure here accomplished much. When I left my old companies I had an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and I could prove it - so I have some mixed thoughts/emotions about leaving this position this summer...

In a way, I'm looking forward to future opportunities to really accomplish something great - I feed off of accomplishment and don't have much tolerance for mediocrity. Yet, I wish I could've had more of an organizational impact on the CG. I have grown exponentially on a personal level, but I'm not so sure I grew from a career perspective. I remember Mark Smith telling me that I would lose my passion and my edge if I stayed with the CG too long. He believed that the CG would suck the very life out of me (as it did him) over time - and if I stayed too long my relevance in the real world of business would suffer. For some reason, I've been remembering these statements that he said to me lately. I find myself wrestling with whether or not he was right.

Peter, I think I somewhat understand your reasons for pondering what we are really about. I think that by the very nature of being in Government, politics probably play too large of a role in how we lead and operate. Too many people seem to have their own self interests in mind and not enough CG interests... (I'm venting a little bit now). The leaders seem to get real intimidated if a really smart, hard charging junior person comes along - they almost take an offense at the thought and try very hard to control the level of play that those people are allowed to have within the CG. They will tout leadership at the operational level - especially if its a junior person leading, but heaven forbid if that same junior person tries to play in their sandbox. It then becomes personal - can't have that. Ego's are a dangerous thing. They rob the organization of true potential - a sucking sound that drains innovation out of the organization. (OK, I'll let my creative writing chill a bit...:)

I think its important to express learning - especially after you've been in a position for awhile and learned the hard lessons. I think its important for folks like me, who are about to leave the organization to reflect back and share the learning. Good and bad - help the ones who are coming onboard understand a little about the history - this is why I'm posting these thoughts.

I will miss the QPC program, corps and people. This has been a very interesting chapter in my life. In sort of a strange way, it once again helped me personally to focus on what really matters for my life. I will leave having a strong sense of clarity about where I am going and what my life will be about. I will learn from the mistakes that I have experienced and draw strength from the wins. I wish all the QPC's the best and genuinely hope that all of our efforts were not in vain. Only time will tell...

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